Mean to Me
by MoxieChick
Summary: There's a reason he prefers to work alone, so much less trouble and annoyance. Desmond has a feeling he's soon going to regret his association with a certain Vaultie. Rated M because of language and maybe smut in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Desmond is probably one of my favorite characters from Fallout 3, I really wanted him to make an appearance in New Vegas but no such luck. Honestly I don't know how this will turn out, just got in the mood to write a Desmond fic but since Lonesome Road came out I want to write more Moxie/Sank, so we'll see if this gets finished.

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><p>If there was anything that he hated more than the heat of the Capital Wasteland it was the stench of Point Lookout. The fog carried it in every morning from the water, a continuous haze that made the sun nothing more than a yellow blob in the gray sky. He would have quit this shithole of a swamp weeks ago if he hadn't known that eventually the wait would pay off, and after a little more than two months, it did.<p>

No one but the tribals had come near the mansion for weeks, every once in a while a local would shamble by, but never within the gates. Desmond was beginning to think he was wasting his time when he noticed the Dutchess Gambit had returned to the docks. Grabbing his binoculars the ghoul focused in on two figures on the boardwalk, that insufferable bigot Tobar, and a young woman. Even with the binoculars he could only make out that she was young, blond, and wearing green combat armor. Tobar pointed towards the mansion but Desmond had no fear of being seen through the fog, instead he watched as the girl followed Tobar's finger then nodded at the ferryman before taking her leave.

The ghoul watched her for a minute, thinking she'd head straight for his little abode in a misguided search for treasure, but instead she headed further onto the boardwalk, probably looking for that drugged out loon "Madame Panada". As the young woman disappeared around the corner of the building Desmond set the binoculars down and returned to his book, glancing at his monitors every few sentences to be sure those bloody tribals weren't making another house call.

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><p>"What in the bloody fucking hell is it now?" Desmond muttered under his breath. A rather loud gunshot had interrupted his reading and caused the pups to start barking, he snapped at them to shut it and peered out the back window, gripping the 10mm on his belt.<p>

The blond he'd spotted earlier was sitting on a ruined lawn chair in the gazebo, leaning into the scope of a .44 magnum. He watched as she seemed to focus in on something then pull the trigger, there was no possible way he could see what she was shooting at but he figured she'd hit it when she looked up with a satisfied smirk on her face before looking down into a…mirror?

"Well now, that's interesting." He chuckled to himself, the ghoul thought it odd that a waster would be so vain. He could see her features better now, and while she wasn't an eyesore he couldn't see any reason for her to carry around a mirror to check her hair. Desmond was surprised however when she moved the glass at just the right angle to catch the light and blind him temporarily, after covering his eyes with his hand he looked back up to find the chair empty, no sign of the girl to be found. Scrambling to his monitors he searched for any trace of her, but instead saw that the tribals were back.

"Fucking brilliant."

Whistling for his pups and grabbing the combat shotgun off the table Desmond got behind his makeshift barricade and waited. It didn't take long for the now familiar sound of bare feet running on the wood floors above to reach him. Geri and Freki growled at the double doors to his left a moment before they burst open, one tribal falling to the floor while one of the others took a shotgun blast to the head. Desmond let the dogs take care of the wounded while he worked at dropping the rest. One of the bastards managed to get through the barricade while he was reloading. He dodged the axe said tribal was wielding, but wasn't sure how well he'd be able to get the upper hand when he stumbled and fell. As the blade came a hair's width away from his torso a gunshot rang out and the tribal trying to chop of Desmond's head lost his own.

"The fuck?" Desmond looked over and saw the young woman from before holding a combat shotgun of her own. Without even glancing at him she turned and helped Geri and Freki finish off the injured tribals. When the last one stopped kicking she turned to him and grinned.

"Finally something interesting happens around this swamp." She walked over and offered him her hand, taking it Desmond pulled himself up with enough force to make the girl stumble.

"I don't know who you are, but you need to help me if you want to stay alive." The ghoul was pretty sure she didn't sense the underlying threat in that statement as she nodded at him then followed his lead. He barked orders at her and was slightly surprised to see her follow them with relative efficiency. As he watched her progress on the monitors Desmond wondered for a moment if he'd lost his little helper for good when he saw her disappear off the screen and heard the floorboards give way, twice. But the gunshots continued after a minute and moved quickly from the basement back up to the second floor.

After gunning down the final onslaught of tribals Desmond took a moment to study the girl who'd helped him. She was down on the first floor looting through the pockets of the dead tribals for anything of value or use, a disgusting waster habit Desmond was proud to say he'd never sunk to. The only thing of interest about her was the pipboy strapped to her wrist. Either she'd come from a vault herself or killed someone for it. The ghoul made his way down the stairs, pretending to ignore her as he spoke.

"That looks like the last of them, you're a pretty good shot." He drawled, kicking a tribal body out of his path. It would take a while to clean this mess up, but at least he'd have some help this time. The girl was making her way towards him, and the satisfied smile gracing her lips irked him.

"So, my hero huh?" He allowed himself a small smile when the girl's own faltered. "Think you came and saved me in the nick of time? Not hardly," That dampened her spirits. "Had it all well in hand, and I didn't even need to use the failsafe. But that would have done a real number on some of the paintings, so just as well you were here. Anyway, name's Desmond."

"Jane, and I'm pretty sure I just saved your life you know." She threw at him. The girl made her way over to a chair she took off her boot and began checking her ankle methodically.

"No, but you helped me out, and that's something. Can't let you think I'm not a gracious host." He opened up a first aid kit and tossed her a stimpack. She caught it with ease and nodded her thanks before plunging the needle into the side of her leg before putting the boot back on, that fall through the floor must have done more damage than she'd previously let on.

"Well, that was fun, but I should be heading out." Jane grabbed her bag and headed for the door. "Thanks for the stim."

"Now hold on there." Desmond moved forward and caught her arm. A dangerous spark entered the girl's eyes but he didn't let go. "Not so fuckin' fast. You can be useful to me. I need someone willing to get their hands dirty."

Tension filled the room and made the dogs whine as the ghoul waited for her reply. Just as he was beginning to wonder how hard it would be to get that slave collar he had in his bag around her neck, she relaxed and gently pulled her arm free of his grasp.

"What's my incentive for helping you?"

"What you earn depends on how well you can follow directions." He waited for her to say something but she only looked at him with interest. "You're not the most incompetent waster I've ever met. I think we can put you to work and figure out what's going on here."

Jane shrugged and lifted up her pipboy to add a quick memo.

"So, any idea why these tribals were attacking you?"

"Not a fucking clue."

"So I'm guessing you wouldn't know if there was something about the mansion that made them attack?"

"Damned if I know, it was abandoned when I got here. There's plenty hidden away here, but none of it would be useful to a bunch of crazed inbreds."

Sitting back down on the chair she'd vacated a minute ago Jane put down the pipboy and fixed Desmond with an exhausted look as she continued asking him useless questions that he answered with annoyed tolerance and impatience.

"Well that's helpful." The girl grinned as Desmond sneered at her. He had a feeling he was going to regret recruiting the whelp.

"Are you quite done yet?" He gave her his best growl and was pleased to see her pause as she reached for her bag. Walking over to the front door he pulled it open and waited impatiently for her to get the hell out.

"Alright, alright I'm going." The vaultie made her way over but paused just inside the doorway, looking at him expectantly. "Well?"

Desmond stared at her in near disbelief, but managed to mask it with the rage he felt a well up second later. The whelp actually expected him, Desmond fucking Lockheart, to say thank you? The ghoul growled at the girl as he shoved her out the door.

"Just find a way in there and find out what they're up to." Slamming the front door behind her, he turned and gave the nearest tribal corpse a good kick.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Dear God this chapter fought me. I had about two pages of it written for forever before getting the urge to finish it *sigh*. This one's not as good as the last and I'm not sure where to go from here but I'll figure it out…somehow.

Desmond was just beginning to wonder if the little whelp had managed to get herself killed when the front doors to the mansion burst open. The vaultie looked less than pleased to see him and didn't extend the courtesy of saying hello; instead Jane threw herself onto the couch and popped open a nuka cola. The ghoul felt a tinge of annoyance at her silence. She'd been gone three days and now that she was back she wasn't being a good little pup and giving him the information he wanted.

"Well?" He hissed.

Jane made no attempt to reply but continued to sip her drink and ignore him. Desmond couldn't see her face since she had the goddamned hood back on, with an annoyed growl he grabbed the piece of cloth and yanked back on it, hard. That got her attention.

"Desmond!" The vaultie tried to jump up but he held fast to her hood, eyes widening at her new hairdo, or to be more specific, her lack of any hair at all and the rather hastily stitched wound that ran down the front of her skull.

"The fuck happened to you?"

"The initiation ritual required a little more than some chanting and drug taking." Jane growled. "Fuckers cut me open and took out a chunk of brain."

"Boo fucking hoo princess, did you find out why they're attacking me?" He ignored the dirty look she shot him as she brushed his hand away and moved further over onto the couch, just out of reach he noticed.

"Fuck off. I just had my head cut open by some backwater asshole that probably did permanent damage to my frontal lobe."

"Well you're still standing and you don't seem to be any more of a moron than you were before." The ghoul grinned at her as the girl glared.

"Enough." The woman stood and faced him with rage in her eyes.

Desmond glared right back at her. He'd had just about enough of her crying. "They didn't take out the part of your little brain that follows orders did they? Because I still need to know why those mudlovers keep blowing holes in my mansion!"

"Maybe they took out the part that held me back from putting a bullet through your skull you jackass!" Jane screamed at him.

"Think that scares me do you? I've been shot before, so you better fucking make it count or that bit they cut out won't be the only hole in your head." Desmond actually felt a tinge of surprise when the girl pulled out her gun and with a scream unloaded it into the opposite wall, flinging the weapon with force when it clicked empty.

"Done?" 

"Fuck you Desmond"

"Very original." The ghoul rolled his eyes.

'Says the man who uses the word in every other sentence," Jane fell back onto the couch and sighed. "It's cathartic."

"Well if your little therapy session is over could we _please_ get back to business?" He draped himself over the armchair across from her, waiting impatiently as she took a deep breath and gathered herself.

"Met an old friend of yours." The vaultie smiled when the man across from her raised an eyebrow. "Just as charming as you are too." He sneered at her.

"Calvert." The name was hissed through gritted teeth.

"Who is that…brain?"

Desmond sighed and began as short an explanation as he could about his rivalry with Professor Calvert. Jane listened with interest, especially when he spoke about bashing in the bastard's head, figuratively of course. He then set about the more pleasant task of barking at the girl to jam up Calvert's brainwaves. However he was annoyed when instead of jumping up from the couch to take care of business Jane simply laid down and closed her eyes.

"The fuck do you think you're doing? Get out there and get to work!" Desmond growled.

"Did I forget to mention Calvert thinks I'm working for him now?" Jane turned her head and smiled at Desmond's raised eyebrow. "The ball's in your court, he won't make another move until you do."

She had him there, but he sure as hell wasn't going to admit it, but the smug grin on Jane's face made him think she already knew.

"Just let me get a few hours rest and I'll get moving at dawn. Besides, the view from that big wheel at dawn should be something to see."

"Won't be able to see much, the fog in the morning is especially thick." Desmond gave her a cruel smile when he saw her enthusiasm falter. Jane caught this and rolled her eyes before reaching for her bag and pulling out a weatherworn and dog-eared book.

"You know this might be the first time I've seen a waster reading."

"I grew up in a vault, we had books." Jane replied casually. It wasn't quite the outburst he was expecting.

"Ah, so that is yours and not just the prize pickings off some poor bastard's body." The ghoul drawled. He was bored, and if he was forced to spend the evening with this brat then he was going to make her as miserable as he was. The girl merely nodded though, apparently doing her best to ignore him.

"What could possibly interest a waster anyway? That's not one of the survival manuals I've seen littered around D.C."

Jane sighed and tossed him the book, sitting and resigning herself to the fact that he wasn't going to let her read in peace.

"Paradise Lost?" Desmond was actually surprised at the oddly fitting reading material the girl chose to carry. "Ironic. Where did you get this? Loot a library?"

"Yes actually, but that's not where I got that specific volume. There's a ghoul city in D.C.–"

"Underworld, I'm…familiar with it." Desmond had actually spent a week or so there before heading to Point Lookout, trading one hell hole for another. He had not been impressed with the Museum's residents, finding them cowardly for hiding away from the world. He did not allow the ignorance of the world to keep him from going where he wanted or getting what he needed.

"A girl there, Tulip, she gave me a copy of the book. It is a rather fitting book…in more ways than one." Jane looked away at that last bit, the ghoul caught a far off look that he knew meant she was recalling something.

"Why did you leave the vault? From what I understand those that are still operational usually aren't the ones filled with horrific experiments. It would have been safe."

"I didn't leave." The girl snapped, looking very uncomfortable under Desmond's steady gaze. "You don't care, so why are you asking?"

"I'm bored, and if you're not going to be good company then you're more than welcome to go and do as you were told."

Jane looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn't want to loose the prospect of a good night's sleep, so she sighed and continued.

"To make a long story short I was kicked out because my father left and caused a riot among the vault residents. The Overseer wanted to kill me to make an example but I escaped with the help of his daughter. She stayed." The room was filled with a tense silence as Jane finished, glaring at the floor.

"Why did he leave?" Desmond actually enjoyed the way the girl squirmed under his constant questioning; it was what she got for refusing to just follow orders.

"To save the world apparently, though to be more specific to save the Capital Wasteland, anyone with half a brain could have told him the world is beyond saving at this point."

"And you would certainly be the expert on that." The ghoul chuckled at the glare Jane threw at him. "Where is he now?"

"Dead, Enclave got him, will probably get me too in the end."

Desmond grunted in response, knowing enough about the players in the Capital Wasteland to know the Enclave were not people you wanted to piss off. He couldn't see how the young woman in front of him could possibly be of interest to them, her father's work must have been rather important for the Enclave to take him out.

They fell into an awkward silence as Jane lay back down on the couch, this time with her back to the ghoul. Desmond was at least thankful she hadn't burst into tears on him crying about her dead daddy, he probably would have kicked her out at that point. He took the book in his hand and tossed it back at her, smirking when she jumped then turned her head to stare daggers at him.

"If you want me to be in fighting form to take on Calvert tomorrow I suggest you let me sleep." She saw his face go rigid and softened, "Please."

Desmond stood and started walking towards his control room, pausing by the couch to look at the girl.

"As you wish, but you'd better not fail me kid. I've been waiting centuries for this moment."

"Don't worry Desmond, I rarely disappoint." Jane replied to his retreating form, and the tone made Desmond smirk, there was a wicked edge to it that intrigued him, perhaps she wasn't as dimwitted as he'd originally thought.


	3. Chapter 3

A heavy fog covered the pier, only a small amount of sunlight was able to pierce it and allow Desmond to see that the place was deserted. The Tribals, now Godless, must have retreated back to the chapel. That or they were lying in wait for Jane, and to be honest he didn't give a damn if they were.

Not that the girl had been useless, but he was still rather pissed at her for getting his pups killed, even if her apparent double-cross had allowed him to finally destroy Calvert once and for all. At the time however he'd been ready to blow her pretty little head off.

_"Come off it Desmond. I knew you were probably watching me, you were in the safe room moments after you saw me heading towards the mansion without activating the Ferris wheel first." _

She has seemed so proud of herself, being so clever, for a moment he'd pondered still shooting her just to wipe that smug look off her face. At least the girl had had the decency to genuinely apologize for the loss of his pups, not that her feeling bad would bring them back, but it got her to stop gloating at least.

The Duchess Gambit still sat waiting for passengers, but instead of Tobar the ghoul was greeted by a young woman with bright orange hair leaning against one of the ferry's posts. It took a moment for him to recognize her as the brat who'd been sneaking around the mansion a few weeks ago. He gave her a dismissive sneer as he scanned the deck for the ferryman.

"Tobar's a little busy at the moment," Her voice matched her hair, loud and nauseating.

Desmond was about to tell the girl that he didn't give a flying fuck if the prick was busy or not when the boat's cabin door flew open and the ferryman skidded across the wooden deck, half his face drenched in blood.

"Say one more goddamn word and I swear I'll put a bullet in your skull!" The vaultie came storming out onto the deck with a 10mm raised at Tobar's head. She walked forward until she was standing over him, her hand shaking with rage.

"Think daddy would be prou-"

Desmond had to step back to avoid getting blood and bits of Tobar's brain all over his suit as Jane blew part of the ferryman's head off, a second later she unloaded two more bullets into the corpse before kicking it over the side of the boat. She looked up, glaring at Desmond and Nadine before turning her full attention on the ghoul.

"Not a fucking word Desmond." She warned before holstering her weapon.

The ghoul would have loved to have made a smart comment at her expense, but the deadly gleam in her eye a second ago made him pretty damned sure she would follow through on her threat.

"You do realize I need the keys off his body to run the boat, right?" Nadine pointed out after a minute. Jane cursed under her breath before diving into the murky water. Desmond watched with an amused smirk, he wondered just how long the girl could hold her breath. It didn't take long for the girl to resurface though, dragging herself onto the deck and tossing a ring of keys to Nadine. '

"Thanks." Nadine smiled at the vaultie and headed for the control room while Jane stood, trying to shake some of the water off of her before going into the other cabin.

Desmond grumbled to himself as he found a bench to sit on and waited, not exactly looking forward to spending a month trapped on this excuse for a riverboat with the two brats. Minutes later smoke began to billow out of the smokestack and the wheel began to turn behind the boat, Nadine exited the main cabin, she stopped a few feet from him and crossed her arms.

"Ride isn't free buddy, three hundred caps."

About that time Jane emerged from the other cabin, still damp, but she now wore a tank top and shorts instead of her battle armor. A gun was still strapped to her thigh and Desmond smirked, he didn't expect anything less from the girl. She looked up at the two of them as Nadine waited for him to pay up.

"What about her, I doubt she has that kind of caps on her."

"You offering to pay my way Desmond? How sweet." The vaultie drawled.

"Hardly." The ghoul sneered at her.

"She just got me a boat, so she gets to ride free. You on the other hand still need to pay up or I'll have her throw you overboard." Nadine gave cocky smile that made Desmond want to smack her, instead he grumbled under his breath and tossed her a bag of caps. He was beginning to wonder if he could make it through this trip without murdering the little fuck in her sleep.

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><p>It wasn't until nightfall that the group realized they had a small predicament on their hands, and why Tobar never did group trips. On the ferry there were three people and a grand total of two cots. Nadine was given automatic ownership of one since it resided in the captain's cabin, however she watched amusedly as both Desmond and Jane headed for the second cabin.<p>

"The fuck you think you're doing Princess?"

"Going to sleep, Desmond." Jane frowned as the ghoul glared at her.

"I actually fucking paid for this little pleasure cruise so I'll be damned if I have to sleep out on the deck." Desmond growled. "Now be a good pup and find some corner to curl up in for the night."

He reached again for the door handle tearing the door halfway open before it met with 101's foot and came to a shaking stop.

"I may not have paid for my ticket but that doesn't mean I deserve a bed any less than you." The girl smirked as the man beside her continued to glare. "How about this, we're docked for the night, pretty open to attack, right? Why don't you go ahead and get your beauty rest while I take first watch, then we'll switch off later?"

Desmond continued to frown at her, and for a minute Nadine expected him to growl at her to fuck off before taking the cot for himself. To the surprise of both women he merely shrugged and continued into the cabin, Jane knowing that it was as close to him admitting she had a good idea as she was going to get. However she did not like the idea of having to wake him up.

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><p>Two weeks went by with relative ease, with Desmond and Jane took turns on night watch they managed to avoid any major confrontations, only running into a few of the wasteland's wild beasts here and there. Jane was usually left to hunt for their food during the day, she was annoyed that Desmond acted as if he couldn't be bothered to do more than stand guard at night; even then he acted as if that simple act was beneath him. So it was a great annoyance to the ghoul when one night Jane took longer than usual returning with the group's dinner.<p>

"That little brat better hurry, is it really that hard to find and kill some molerats?" He growled as Nadine worked on the small fire she'd built on the shore.

"Maybe she ran into trouble." The girl shrugged, but the ghoul could sense the worry in Nadine's voice. The two women had developed a sort of friendship over the past few weeks, thankfully for him they had refrained from adolescent giggling fits, but they would spend most of the day with Nadine steering the boat while Jane read or told the other girl about her life in the vault.

"Oh for fuck's sake." The ghoul growled as he went to the boat and grabbed his combat shotgun. "If you want something done right you have to do it yourself."


End file.
